Wait… Is This a Pattern?

Lately, I’ve started noticing patterns in myself.

Not the obvious ones. The ones you can go years without seeing because they only show up under certain circumstances.

Here’s one I recently discovered:

When I’m emotionally charged, I have a burning need to do something.

Fix it. Resolve it. Respond to it. Make a decision.

Preferably immediately.

The funny thing is, I would never describe myself as an impulsive person.

At work, I’m thoughtful and deliberate. I can handle pressure. I gather information, think through the possibilities, and make reasoned decisions. Even when something is complicated or high stakes, I’m usually pretty good at staying calm and figuring out what to do next.

The same is true in my personal life—most of the time.

But it takes a lot to really get under my skin.

And apparently, once something does, all bets are off.

I’ve started to realize that when I’m emotionally connected to something, I develop this intense need to resolve whatever I’m feeling.

There’s a problem?

Fix it.

There’s conflict?

Resolve it.

Someone posts on Facebook that there’s a puppy who needs a home?

Apparently, get a fourth dog.

In my defense, he really did need a home.

But still.

Four dogs.

This realization has made me curious.

Why does the thoughtful, deliberate version of me become so uncomfortable with simply sitting with something when emotions are involved?

Maybe the action isn’t always about solving the actual problem.

Maybe sometimes it’s about trying to resolve the feeling the problem created.

That distinction stopped me.

Because if I feel uncomfortable, worried, hurt, angry, or emotionally invested, taking action feels productive. It gives me somewhere to put that energy.

But action and resolution aren’t always the same thing.

Sometimes the best decision might be to wait.

Sometimes an argument doesn’t need to be resolved right now.

Sometimes I don’t need to respond.

Sometimes I can feel something without immediately doing something about it.

And sometimes a puppy on Facebook can be adorable and desperately in need of a home…

and perhaps someone else can adopt him.

This is one of the things I find fascinating about self-awareness.

We don’t have to discover something about ourselves and immediately turn it into another thing we need to “fix.”

We can just notice it.

Huh. I do that.

And then get curious.

When does this pattern show up?

What am I feeling in those moments?

What am I trying to resolve?

What would happen if I gave myself a little more time before acting?

The goal isn’t to become perfectly rational human beings who never make an emotional decision.

And honestly, I’m not sure I’d want that.

Our emotions tell us things. They connect us to what matters. They move us toward people, causes, opportunities—and, occasionally, puppies.

But noticing our patterns gives us something incredibly valuable:

Choice.

A pattern you can’t see tends to run automatically.

A pattern you can see gives you the opportunity to decide whether you want to follow it.

So now I’m on a quest to understand this particular pattern of mine.

Can I learn to bring the same thoughtful, deliberate part of myself that shows up so naturally in other situations into the moments when my emotions are telling me:

DO SOMETHING. RIGHT NOW.

I can – with practice.

That’s the interesting part about self-discovery.

You don’t have to have the answer just because you finally noticed the question.

Although I may have discovered this particular pattern one puppy too late.

Is my house big enough for four dogs?

Technically, yes.

Was that really the point?

Probably not.

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