How many times have you told yourself that you need to make a change?

I need to go to the gym more.

I need to eat better.

I need to be happier at work.

I need to walk the dog more.

I need to take better care of myself.

We know what we want to change. Sometimes we’ve known for years. And yet, somehow, we keep finding ourselves in the same place.

So we assume the problem is motivation.

We tell ourselves we need more discipline. We need to try harder. We need to stop making excuses.

But what if that isn’t the problem at all?

What if, instead of pushing yourself harder, you got curious about what is actually getting in the way?

Dig a Little Deeper

Imagine that every morning you tell yourself you’re going to get up and exercise before work. But when the alarm goes off, you’re exhausted.

You could decide that you lack discipline. You could force yourself out of bed for a few days. You could feel guilty every morning that you hit snooze.

Or you could ask a different question:

Why am I so tired in the morning?

Maybe the real change isn’t getting up earlier. Maybe it’s going to bed earlier.

Suddenly, the problem you’ve been struggling to solve looks completely different.

Or maybe you keep telling yourself you need to go to the gym, but you hate going to the gym.

What if you stopped trying to convince yourself to love something you dread?

Maybe there’s a class you would look forward to. Maybe you love swimming. Maybe walking outside clears your head. Maybe putting on your sneakers and taking the dog for a long walk is enough.

The goal was never really go to the gym.

The goal was to move your body more.

There are many ways to get there.

Maybe You’re Trying to Solve the Wrong Problem

The same thing can happen in other parts of our lives.

Maybe you’ve been thinking about finding a new job because you’re miserable at work.

Dig deeper.

What exactly makes you miserable?

Is it the work?

Your boss?

The culture?

The hours?

Or is it spending two hours of every day sitting in traffic?

Those answers matter. If you actually like your work but hate your commute, changing careers may not solve the problem. A different schedule, a hybrid arrangement, or a job doing similar work closer to home might.

When we stay at the surface, we can spend a tremendous amount of energy trying to solve the wrong problem.

Keep Asking Why

When you find yourself saying, “I want to, but…” pay attention to what comes next.

I want to exercise, but I’m too tired.

I want to cook healthier meals, but I don’t have time.

I want to spend more time doing things I enjoy, but there’s always something else that needs to get done.

I want to make a change at work, but I don’t know where to start.

That “but” may be telling you something.

Instead of judging it as an excuse, explore it.

Why am I tired?

What makes cooking feel like too much work?

Why does everything else always come first?

What specifically am I unhappy about at work?

And then, when you get an answer, ask another question.

Keep digging.

Because the first answer isn’t always the real answer.

The Change Might Be Smaller Than You Think

We often imagine change as something big.

A new fitness routine. A strict eating plan. A new job. A complete overhaul of our schedule.

But sometimes the thing standing between us and what we want is surprisingly small.

Going to bed an hour earlier.

Finding movement you actually enjoy.

Keeping a few easy meals in the house.

Asking to work from home one more day a week.

Giving yourself permission to count walking the dog as exercise.

Saying no to one thing that drains your energy.

The answer won’t always be simple. Some barriers are real, complicated, and difficult to change.

But you won’t know until you find out what the barrier actually is.

So the next time you find yourself frustrated because you still haven’t made the change you keep saying you want to make, resist the urge to immediately push yourself harder.

Get curious instead.

Ask yourself:

What is really making this hard for me?

Then dig a little deeper.

You might discover that you don’t need more willpower.

You just need to solve the right problem.

I can help you figure out, what’s underneath. Sign up for a free Discovery Session today.